When I was in Kindergarten I didn’t understand why the little boy I shared a table with licked his hands after fingerpainting.
When I was in fifth grade I didn’t understand how my Mom could spend all afternoon cussing at a football game on TV.
When I was in high school I passed Algebra 2 without understanding any of it.
When I was in college I didn’t understand how anyone could spend all afternoon watching football and not cuss at the TV.
And when I was in my 20’s I never understood why I understood “Thelma & Louise.”
Even up to 40 years later I still do not understand many of these things. My daughter licks paint off her hands, my students see my eyes glaze over when they mention algebra, and I still cuss at the TV a lot when my team football team loses. (And wins.)
What I do understand, however, is “Thelma & Louise” -- and I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t understand that.
A 1991 film, it’s the story of two fairly humdrum women who start out as victims and end up as female vigilantes tearing up the American West. Even two decades later it is remembered as a cinematic symbol of female empowerment, as well as the only film to simultaneously have a perfect ending, a flying Thunderbird and a whole lotta Grand Canyon.(1)
I saw the film during its initial release with a bunch of friends, some girls, some guys. When we walked out the guys thought “it wasn’t bad.” The girls thought it was one of the most amazing things they’d ever seen.
I had no idea what the guys were talking about. I thought it was an incredible movie -- and I still do. To this day when I see clips of that movie, I want to be in the car with Thelma and Louise, and for more than 20 years I’ve wondered why that would be.
And then came The Genderbread Person, which introduced me to the concept of sexual identity.(2) Suddenly, so many things made sense: Why I always hung out with the girls on the playground, why the dumb things guys do in relationships NEVER make sense to me -- and why “Thelma & Louise” remains one of the greatest movies ever made.
It’s because from a sexual identity standpoint I’m what some call “genderqueer,” not identifying fully as a woman, not fully as a guy, just somewhere in the middle. And according to an increasing number of people, that’s understandable.
“One’s gender identity can be the same or different than the sex assigned at birth… Most people develop a gender identity that matches their biological sex. For some, however, their gender identity is different from their biological or assigned sex.”(3)
Obviously this runs counter to Western society’s binary view of gender, where one’s either a male or a female. From the moment of birth, or even before -- thank you, ultrasound -- people take a gander at the parts between our legs and we’re taught that we’re all one thing or another.
This process continues on as just about everything, from the the clothes our parents put us in, the gifts our family and friends buy us, to the behaviors society reinforces. There’s a reason G.I. Joe doesn’t come in pink and Barbie’s never driven a camo Corvette.
By the age of three, “social gender roles and expectations are so entrenched in our culture that most people cannot imagine any other way.”(3)
The problem was, I could -- and usually did, always wondering if there was something wrong with me. There wasn’t, and there isn’t -- and whatever that means is OK. Even better, others are beginning to think so, too. Across the nation communities are including gender identity in their anti-discrimination clauses, even in places like Charleston, South Carolina.(4)
All of them are sending the message that it’s OK to not be one or another. That it’s OK that your heart and soul don’t stereotypically sync up with the parts between your legs. All of us can be who we want to be, do what we want to do. Even it’s cussing at ESPN on the TV while putting on drag queen make-up.
Though someone will still need to explain to me why kids eat paint.
References:
1) Yes, that’s all I’m going to tell you. I’m not even going to provide you a wikipedia link. If you have not seen this film you should, and anyone who screws up the ending for the uninitiated should be shot.
2) It’s pronounced metrosexual: The Genderbread Person
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/01/the-genderbread-person/
3) Gender Spectrum: Understanding Gender
https://www.genderspectrum.org/understanding-gender
4) Towleroad: CHARLESTON, SC PASSES LGBT NON-DISCRIMINATION ORDINANCE
http://www.towleroad.com/2009/11/charleston-sc-passes-lgbt-nondiscrimination-ordinance.html