This is popping into my head now as I re-read my previous column on San Francisco. In it, I quote a variety of statistics that cast light on the idea that San Francisco might not be the most gay-friendly place in America.(1) Having recently revisited the city for the first time since coming out, I’m reminded less of my mother -- I think that’s healthy for a lot of reasons -- and more of Mark Twain, who famously said: “There are lies, damned lies and statistics.”
And while I would not go so far as to suggest arguing against San Francisco as the ultimate gay-friendly place is a damned lie. I would have to ask one simple question: “Have you been there?”
This is not an entirely fair question, I must admit, for it presumes that to understand a place you have to go there -- which I happen to believe. But unless you’ve been everywhere, and can therefore make a fair comparison between every place, there’s really no way to compare them.
Fortunately, I’ve been everywhere. Well, not everywhere, obviously; no one has. But I have been to the 48 states not ending in Dakota, 90 percent of the 50 largest cities in the country, and another 30 countries overseas on top of that.(2)(3)
None of them are San Francisco.
I’ve been “out” in a number of those cities. Seattle was fun, friendly and safe, and it’s a great place for LGBT people to get their feet wet - literally. My only dissapointment? It was the first city where I ever got to go to the “Ladies Room,” only to discover they had the same toilet paper the guys did.
New Orleans is also great; everyone knows on Bourbon Street anything goes. But there’s also a vibe that runs throughout the entire city: “Laissez bon temps rouler” -- “Let the good times roll” -- and they really do mean it for everyone.
Overseas, Bangkok is like New Orleans on steroids: Everything goes -- all the time -- and when I was there I felt like I could definitely do that. On the downside, I also felt like I might be mugged any minute, thrown into the back of cab and taken out into the neighboring jungles to find my way home -- if I was lucky. I get that feeling a lot of places, unfortunately.
Even in the most LGBT-friendly places, I always feel like if I wander too far off the rainbow track I could be in serious trouble. In Portland, Ore., my latest urban stomping grounds, I’m always looking over my shoulder. Every once in a while there’s a story on the news about a hate crime directed at someone LGBT.
Does this happen in San Francisco? I’m sure it does. But all I can say is that being in San Francisco is the closest I’ve ever come to feeling like I’m living at a Pride festival.
No, not the drag queens on stage, and people selling rainbow arts & crafts - though there’s plenty of those if you know where to look.
It’s because at a Pride festival you have one afternoon, one day, one weekend, where you know there’s a place you can go and feel safe to be yourself. Safe to hold hands with who you want without stares. Safe to say you think this girl is gorgeous, that guy is gorgeous, or that everyone is gorgeous, without anyone looking sideways at you. Safe just to be free.
That’s what San Francisco felt like to me. Whether in Chinatown, walking the Golden Gate Bridge, making my way through the tourist insanity that is Pier 39 or riding on a cable car while watching people on the street.
The best place, of course, is The Castro, the birthplace of San Francisco as an LGBT capital.
When I was there recently with some friends, the first thing we saw was the historic Castro Theater -- and the the second thing I saw was their marquee: “Beauty and the Beast Sing Along.”
God, I love sing alongs -- and as you might imagine there’s no place like The Castro to see one. “When it comes to delivering movies in unique sing-a-long format, no other venue stands and delivers quite like the Castro Theater… complete with themed goodie bags (we can speak to the charming Little Mermaid goodie bags, which included faux pearl necklaces, plastic dinglehoppers and bubbles to blow during Ariel's bath scene).”(4)
They’re doing “Frozen” this week, and God help me, I found myself checking fares on Southwest. If you have more money than I do, or were already planning a trip and want to see what’s on, check out The Castro’s homepage.(5)
Next we popped into the Human Right Campaign Action Center and store.(6) I wrote a bit about this place last time, so I won’t go too far into it here. Still, I can’t remember a place where I felt so GOOD about buying T-shirts and teddy bears. Everything I brought home a message to the world about what I stand for, it was like going to a Pier One with a conscience.
For the record, I did come out with more than just T’s and teddies; I got a coffee mug, too. But I also found out about the Rainbow Honor Walk, which is nearly ready to go. “The Rainbow Honor Walk seeks to honor heroines & heroes of the LGBT communities through a sidewalk tribute in San Francisco’s historic Castro district.”(7)
As Castro Street was pretty much a giant construction zone while I was there, it was kind of hard for me to visualize where everything is going to be. (Sadly, all the workers were wearing shirts.) But like many of these projects -- even Hollywood’s Walk of Fame is always taking donations -- they could use your help, too. Like everyone, they have a website if you’d like to.(7)
Next we popped into the GLBT History Museum, where they were very apologetic about most of their museum being under construction for the installation of a new exhibit. Pretty much broke after the HRC store, I was thrilled they’d let me see a small part of it for free.
There’s something about a museum that legitimizes its subject. As if by having enough material and history to be displayed and considered, something actually happened. I don’t know, maybe that’s just the history teacher in me.
All I can tell you is, I learned more about the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus than I thought there was to learn -- starting with the fact they’ve been around for more than a third-of-a-century.
The museum’s current exhibit, “Queer Past Becomes Present” -- the one they were installing while I was there -- I’m sure will be equally informative.(8)
Walking back up Castro Street, we once again caught sight of the most highly visible centerpiece of The Castro, a 600 square-foot flag flying atop a 70-foot pole in Harvey Milk Plaza.(9) As The Castro was where LGBT’s rainbow pride flag was created, this seems appropriate.
Naturally, even a Pride flag seems to make a lot of people crazy -- this is San Francisco, after all.(10) Some people want to see a different flag flying there on certain days. Other people want to see it at half-mast on other days. Weighing in as a tourist, let me just say I’m glad I saw it in all its full-masted glory when I was there.
Not that you need a flagpole for that.
As we were leaving the area on a streetcar, we saw a guy standing on the corner of Market and Castro covered solely with a woefully insufficient Ziploc bag over his front, and even less efficient oxygen molecules covering his butt.
This was difficult to explain to my friends, all teenagers. Especially as they vaulted themselves across the street car so hard to see the spectacle they almost knocked the vehicle over in its tracks. Thankfully, naked people being smaller than Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge and the bill at Ghirardelli Square, it was very hard for their cameras to focus.
Only in San Francisco.
References:
1) Raina Bowe: San Francisco: Survey says it’s the place to get your gay on - usually.
http://rainabowe.weebly.com/2/post/2013/10/san-francisco-survey-says-its-the-place-to-get-your-gay-on-usually.html
2) Infoplease: Top 50 Cities in the U.S. by Population and Rank
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0763098.html
3) Raleigh, Omaha & Wichita, which I didn’t even know were in the top 50, and Detroit & Cleveland, which even many residents agree aren’t friendly for any kind of human.
4) SFist: Do This Tonight: 'Sing-A-Long Beauty and the Beast' at the Castro Theater
http://sfist.com/2013/03/27/do_this_tonight_sing-a-long_beauty.php
5) The Castro: Sing Alongs
http://www.castrotheatre.com/singalongs.html
6) The Human Rights Campaign Action Center & Store - San Francisco, CA
https://shop.hrc.org/san-francisco-hrc-store
7) Rainbow Honor Walk
http://rainbowhonorwalk.org/
8) GLBT Historical Society: About The GLBT History Museum
http://www.glbthistory.org/museum/
9) Castro CBD: Things to See
http://www.castrocbd.org/index.php/visit-the-castro/things-to-see#plaza
10) Huffington Post: Castro Rainbow Flag Draws Controversy In San Francisco
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/23/castro-rainbow-flag_n_2007257.html