Other staff members and I were discussing working with and counseling LGBT students, which seemed to leave a lot of people very confused. Not in an angry way, mind you. But rather like your dog seems confused when you tell him to go get the ball after only mimicking the throwing motion. “I know I’m missing something here, but I don’t know what…”
Listening to all of this, there were so many things that I wanted to say. But one doesn’t come out of the closet at a high school staff meeting; it’s not on the agenda.(1) But then someone said something that made me just kind of snap inside: “I don’t know what the big deal is who you have sex with?”
Not snap in a bad way, because she was right. As loving thinking beings, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But to think that’s all there is to being LGBT -- having sex? -- >SNAP<
And that’s when I came out of the closet.
I sat there for the rest of the meeting somewhat numb. During that time two things happened:
1) One of my best friends on staff passed me a note: “We love you. Now pull up your pants. Your crack is showing.” (I work in a very weird school.)
2) I started wondering just why the heck it’s called “Coming out of the closet.”
According to an article in The Week, the term has its origins in pre-World War II gay society:
"A gay man's coming out originally referred to his being formally presented to... the enormous drag balls that were patterned on the debutante and masquerade balls of the dominant culture… The phrase ‘coming out’ did not refer to coming out of hiding, but to joining into a society of peers.”(2)
That makes some sense, though I have a hard time imagining the people I work with all wearing drag queen dresses. Something I’m sure they appreciate. More, though, this doesn’t explain “the closet” part of it at all.
This is because “the closet” is a fairly new term in the history of LGBT language, arriving only in the last half-century, or so. This, in contrast to terms like “gay” and “lesbian” which have been used in the current form for nearly a century or more. Before then it doesn't appear anywhere "in the records of the gay movement or in the novels, diaries, or letters of gay men and lesbians."(3)
Where did it come from, then?
One theory: "It may have been used initially because many men who remained 'covert' thought of their homosexuality as a sort of 'skeleton in the closet.'”(2) Just when this began remains somewhat unclear, although the 1960’s seems the most likely point. EVERYTHING changed in the ‘60s, after all. Politics, music, the number 1959: none of them got out of the decade unchanged. This was obviously true for LGBT people, as well, including their language.
According to the online encyclopedia glbtq.com, this wasn’t just a coincidence.(4) “The pre-1950s focus was on entrance into "a new world of hope and communal solidarity" whereas the post-Stonewall Riots overtone was an exit from the oppression of the closet.”(5)
As always when it comes to these things, I worry. As a relatively new member of the “out” LGBT community, I wonder if this term has come to carry baggage. Like Rush Limbaugh using the word “homosexual” to demean and insult, I wonder if the community of the close-minded had saddled this word, too.
To my joy -- and surprise, I must admit -- nowhere in GLAAD’s “Offensive Terms To Avoid” does it even mention “Coming Out.”(6) Indeed, far from rejecting the term, the LGBT community chooses to embrace it, with even a “National Coming Out Day.” Held every Oct. 11, it marks the anniversary of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.(7)
This is not to say the concept of “Coming out” doesn’t have some negative things in its orbit. There’s “Outing”: “The act of disclosing a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) person's sexual orientation or gender identity without that person's consent.”(8)
Introduced as a term to the general public in 1990, some say “outing is used solely to damage the outed person's reputation,” and is for the most part frowned upon.
Though some people do say it’s fair to out someone when they are using a position of power to work against LGBT issues. "I think there's a right to privacy. But the right to privacy should not be a right to hypocrisy. And people who want to demonize other people shouldn't then be able to go home and close the door and do it themselves,” says LGBT U.S. Congressman Barney Frank.
Whatever the case, “Coming out” has come a long way in a short amount of time, linguistically speaking. The good news, though, is that it still belongs to us, each of free to choose how -- and hopefully when -- we see fit. Whether at home, in public, on a speaker’s platform, or even at a high school staff meeting.
Just make sure your crack isn’t showing.
References:
1) Further evidence there is no such thing as a gay agenda.
2) Where did the phrase 'come out of the closet' come from?
http://theweek.com/article/index/243715/where-did-the-phrase-come-out-of-the-closet-come-from
3) What is the Origin of the Phrase "Come Out of the Closet"?
http://mentalfloss.com/article/50405/what-origin-phrase-come-out-closet
4) glbtq: Coming out
http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/coming_out_ssh.html
5) Wikipedia: Coming Out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out
6) GLAAD Media Reference Guide - Offensive Terms To Avoid
https://www.glaad.org/reference/offensive
7) Human Rights Campaign, Resources: Coming Out
http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/national-coming-out-day
X) Wikipedia: Outing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outing
X) Wikipedia: Closeted
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Closeted