In the event you have been living in a cave, the “For Dummies” books are those books with bright yellow covers that hope to teach you about something intimidating without scaring the crap out of you.(1)
There is “Acne for Dummies,” “The Royal Wedding for Dummies,” even “Medical Ethics for Dummies.” (If you see your doctor reading this, get a new doctor.)
There is no “Coming Out for Dummies.”
Seriously, both welding and The Book of Revelations are deemed manageable enough topics for the intellect of a dummy. Two things where if your understanding goes wrong you either burst into flames or just spend eternity burning in it. These get a “Dummies” book, but not Coming Out?
Talk about complicated.
All kidding aside, there’s nothing simple about coming out to one’s family and friends, especially if you’re a teenager. Certainly there are many different ways to do it, some intensely private, others very public. There is no right or wrong way to do it, though I wouldn’t recommend Facebook for first-timers.(2)
The web is full of books, lists and other resources for young people that are trying to figure out how to come out. As always, what I’ve got here barely scratches the surface.
What I have discovered is that there are some common themes between all of them, the first being safety. You have to feel safe with yourself, the person you’re telling and the environment you’re coming out in.
Beyond that I found these three steps repeated a lot:
1) Get Comfortable with Yourself First.
2) Find a Safe Person.
3) Choose Your Moment.
4) Come right out with your statement.
5) Allow time for people to process what you’ve said
At first glance, these probably seem obvious. Remember, though, if that were true there’d be a “Dummies” book for it. (Heck, I’d have written it. Those books have sold millions of copies.) Indeed, each of these five steps could be an “Unbroken Raina Thought” all by itself.(3)
What’s even more interesting, however, is that not one list had all five of these together. For instance, just comparing three lists I found in a quick Google search, WebMD doesn’t address the need to just be direct.(4)
WikiHow’s “How to Come Out As a Gay or Lesbian Teen” doesn’t mention the need to really think about your timing.(5) Safe Teens’ guide to coming out doesn’t talk about finding a safe person, presuming that you’ll be talking to your parents.(6)
I point this out not criticize each list, but rather to point out that you shouldn’t read just one source. All of them are different, with different points of view. Some miss things another deem critically important -- and maybe what’s most important to you.
WebMD’s is more clinical, while wikiHow presumes that bunches of anime drawings will make it easier to digest. The SafeTeens article seems to be focused as much on the parents as it does the teen. Whatever additional sources you find will have their own choices and biases.
My suggestion: read as many as you think necessary before coming up with what’s right for you. What’s necessary? When your questions are answered.
Not that it takes a dummy to figure that out.
References:
1) If you would like to live in a cave but don’t know how, consult “Living in a Cave for Dummies.” If there’s enough demand, I’ll have my friend Thag Mumstein write it.
2) Raina Bowe: Facebook is a Great Place to Tell the World You’re LGBT -- Usually
http://rainabowe.weebly.com/unbroken-raina-thoughts/facebook-is-a-great-place-to-tell-the-world-youre-lgbt-usually
And yes, people do this:
Business Insider Australia: Gay Teenagers Are Comfortable Coming Out On Facebook, And That's Why Facebook Isn't Going Anywhere Anytime Soon
http://www.businessinsider.com.au/gay-teens-come-out-on-facebook-2014-2
3) Which they will be come July and August
4) WebMD: Coming Out as a LGBT Teen
http://teens.webmd.com/features/coming-out-as-lgbt-teen
5) wikiHow: How to Come Out As a Gay or Lesbian Teen
http://www.wikihow.com/Come-Out-As-a-Gay-or-Lesbian-Teen
6) SafeTeens.org: Should I come out to my parents and how do I do it?
http://www.safeteens.org/lgbtq/coming-out/